Brother Carl passed away 2014. Mother passed away in 2015. Cancer took Carl slowly (prostrate to bone to every place). Cancer took mother swiftly, which ended up a blessing really, considering in November she was shuttled from her home to a mental hospital,diagnosed with early onset dementia/ Alzheimer's, diagnosed with Cancer just ahead of Christmas and dead in January. For some reason I'd thought they were two different things but apparently dementia and Alzheimer's are one in the same. What was once labeled dementia now has a new name Alzheimers much like Hyperactivity (what I have been all my life) is now labeled Attention Deficit Disorder or ADD. More on that topic later when I can focus (inside joke).
In trying to help mother get back home to us, (she was deemed unfit to live alone and spent some time in a nursing home before we could get her back here) I learned alot about aging and dementia. One thing I learned that struck me was how a sudden shock, whether it be a fall or an emotional hiccup, can bring on sudden dementia! Nobody knows why.
Mother had always and forever been a drama queen. She rode her highs and lows proudly and when she was low, took any bystanders along with her to her personal ride into hell that morning. Smart, talented, creative, dedicated and attractive, yes. Balanced emotionally? No. Mother had fallen and was just out of rehab for that. Losing my brother was probably the final blow. Shortly after his death, she fell once more, got back home after rehab and poof fell apart emotionally. She had been stating for months that she just wanted to join Carl. In spite of two more siblings still here, join him she did. Her mind and body gave her exactly what she wanted.
The mind, just like the body, is a miraculous thing to behold. The body heals itself all day long. The brain is redundant, able to heal itself after surprising catastrophes. I've witnessed 3 severe head trauma patients re-learn and re-blend back into society and find it all incredible, inspiring and amazing!
People always say 'This is how I am' but the truth is even better! Serious brain injuries prove our capacity for mind change. Be less of a Drama Queen by re-training your brain. It takes 21 days or so to make a new habit and I figured out why. Just take yourself back to a class where things got strange, detatched, confused, hard to absorb, where you said to yourself 'Oy, I'll never learn this!' But then one day you walked into class en voila! Suddenly a bright light was on in your mind and you just suddenly 'got it' like magic just happened! Yep, that was magic. Your marvelous brain just built new roads, new neuro net paths to a whole entirely new way of thinking it knew you needed now. Incredible, right? Now I used to think as long as we breathed air, change was possible. But with mother I saw that at a certain point, you go beyond that ability. So I want to caution once more that the mind and body tend to try and give us what we think we need or deserve. Therefore, don't put off any changes you know you may need to make in your life, in your mindset, in your care taking of yourself because the time is truly now, while you are able to do so and while you still have time to enjoy those changes along with being able to bless those around you with those changes as well. When we move with right intention, patience and love, we open ourselves up to the miracles that tend to work out. Not saying you escape death, none of us do. But perhaps you die another day, you get through this particular physical or mental battle, enable yourself to grow, to change and be who you want to be today, with less attachment to the past, less attachment to the drama.
I have to say I learned how to be the perfect victim from my mother. I knew just exactly how to create and maintain drama in my life. I learned from the very best teacher. And then I had to figure out how to undo all of that damage thinking and live more abundantly. The rock bottom is that, no matter who you are, whether it's your yacht that needs repairs or your Honda, we all have problems, all have drama. Empathy for yourself and others plights, acceptance and a calm mental state to move forward with picking up the pieces and moving on is the healthiest way to carry on. Not saying you cannot have a good cry. In the situation of losing a loved one, of course you will and repeatedly. But in with the dire pain of it, see the joy. See that your loved one is out of pain, whole and gone with God. And with all the lesser stuff, hail storms, floods, fires, job loss, Divorce etc, accept that as much as all this sucks, it is part of this life and so now you go and carry on to help yourself and others through this mess called life. The way is always forward regardless. Take those steps with loving kindness. In 21 days you'll thank me.
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